Free-Date Network

Before you go through a divorce on your own, you certainly hear quite a bit about the incredible emotional and psychological trauma that a divorce can cause. However, hearing about that trauma and living through the constant roller coaster of emotions that divorce can trigger are two very different things.

Despite the emotions that many divorcees feel, there is often an urge to re-enter the dating scene again and take a step forward on your own. While there is a strong urge to take that leap and starting dating soon after divorce, and sometimes even before the divorce is finalized, there are some things you will want to consider before you rush into dating again.

Here are just a few tips to help you start dating again safely, all the while minimizing emotional turbulence to yourself as well as your kids, if you have any:

· Consider Your Children. Divorce is hard without children, but it can be even more difficult with children. While you are trying to heal and move on with your life, you also have to help your children cope and adjust to the situation, too. They inevitably are dealing with their own complex emotions, and in a very real way, they are going through the divorce right along with you.

While you may think that you are ready to move on and start dating again, you should pause and give thought to the emotional state of your children. Just as they are along for the ride in a divorce, they will also be a part of your dating life, too. Children may be caught up in an emotional struggle with a custody situation, trying to accommodate spending time in two different homes, and other such stresses that a divorce can impose. Adding the element of watching a parent start dating again can add even more stress to the situation. Some children may be OK with a parent dating soon after a divorce, but other children may need some time to adjust to the incredible changes that have been forced upon them first. So consider the fortitude and emotional state of your children as a primary consideration.

· Consider Your Legal Situation. There is no denying that divorce is a matter of the heart, and part of your desire to start dating soon after divorce may be that you are trying to find a way to heal your heart and move on with your life. However, divorce is very much a legal issue, too. Often, divorces are complicated by disputes over custody of the children, assets, or some other issue. If your divorce is not yet finalized and disputes linger, dating now may only complicate matters. Because of this, it is wise to discuss the option with your attorney first and seek legal advice on the matter before you start dating.

If your divorce is finalized and no outstanding legal issues are standing in your way, you should then take a closer look at where you are at in terms of your emotional state.

· Consider Yourself. Your emotional state is certainly a major consideration to ponder as you think about re-entering the dating scene. Many new divorcees find that they want to starting dating soon after a divorce to let loose and have a little fun with their new-found freedom. Others want to test the waters and gain back a little bit of their self-confidence that may have been lost in a divorce. Few new divorcees start dating with the intention of immediately meeting someone new and embarking on an intense, long-term relationship where they are once again emotionally vested.

While testing the waters and trying to gain a little bit of self-confidence in the process are great reasons to start dating again on a casual basis, you should still take time to ensure that you are not in a fragile emotional state. A divorce is likely among the most emotionally traumatic events that you will experience in your lifetime, and the last thing you want is to risk further emotional trauma by dating too soon. Even if you have no intention in getting caught up in an intense romance, you certainly know that sometimes the heart just falls in love even when the mind isn't quite ready yet. Therefore, ensure that you are in a sound emotional state before you start dating, even if your intention is casual dating only.

· Consider Your Future. A divorce can really turn your future upside down in some pretty significant ways. Many married couples set off planning for a life together, and often this includes hobbies and interests, professional aspirations, how children will be raised, retirement plans, and more. With a divorce, however, your future plans are thrown into chaos, and you may feel as though you are going through life without any direction if you don't re-establish a future for yourself.

After you consider what you want out of your future, which may include going back to school, traveling, volunteer work, and more, you can then consider how a new partner would factor into your plans. You will find that you are happier and more adjusted in any relationship you begin in the future when you keep your future plans and goals for your life in clear focus, and essentially when you live for yourself.

· Consider Your Partner. Many new divorcees take a 180-degree turn in terms of qualities they look for in a mate after a divorce. While you may dislike just about every quality your ex has right now, and you may not want to find a new mate that has anything at all in common with your ex or that may remind you of him or her, you should avoid the impulse to jump to the polar opposite of your ex.

You may actually have learned from your marital relationship that there are some traits and qualities that you truly do not want in a future mate, and it is wonderful to look at your old relationship as a learning experience. However, you also found your ex compatible at some point and he or she had some traits that you found very attractive. So spend some time really thinking about what you are looking for in a new partner. Be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want in a mate, and avoid the impulse to seek out a polar opposite of your ex out of spite and anger.

These are all important considerations to think about before you start dating. While re-entering the dating world is a major milestone for new divorcees, you should also take time to have fun with family and friends, and to really enjoy life in a fun, carefree way, too!

About The Author

For many years, Sarah T. Connor has worked tirelessly to promote the passage of Internet dating safety legislation. In addition to being an advocate for safe Internet dating, she also regularly publishes online dating advice for singles on Free Date dot net, a free online dating service for singles. She also earned a BS degree from the University of Maryland.

Laws in a number of states are changing to require operators of social networking and dating sites to inform their patrons of various safety aspects related to online and offline conduct.  Patrons should familiarize themselves with these law changes because they are designed to insure your safety in an increasingly unsafe world.  Free-Date.net supports these efforts and urges you to familiarize yourself with their content.

New Jersey Members

The "Internet Dating Safety Act" of New Jersey requires us to inform all New Jersey members that Free-Date.net does NOT conduct criminal background screenings on any of its members.  Background screening can assist you in deciding whether or not to meet someone in person who you do not know.

Florida Members

The "Florida Internet Dating Safety Act" also requires us to notify you that Free-Date.net does NOT conduct background screenings on its members.  Additionally, Free-Date.net is providing Florida members with text from the act to inform you about safety measures:

• 1. "Anyone who is able to commit identity theft can also falsify a dating profile."
• 2. "There is no substitute for acting with caution when communicating with any stranger who wants to meet you."
• 3. "Never include your last name, e-mail address, home address, phone number, place of work, or any other identifying information in your on-line profile or initial e-mail messages. Stop communicating with anyone who pressures you for personal or financial information or attempts in any way to trick you into revealing it."
• 4. "If you choose to have a face-to-face meeting with another member, always tell someone in your family or a friend where you are going and when you will return. Never agree to be picked up at your home. Always provide your own transportation to and from your date and meet in a public place at a time with many people around."